Sunday, October 18, 2009

The Beginning of the Cliche 1.2

They both stood there covered in each other’s vomit with dumbfounded expressions plastered on their faces. It was Sarah who made the first move, her hand found Jacob’s shoulder and she retched once more coating his shoes in the foul smelling chunky fluid.

Friday, October 16, 2009

The Beginning of the Cliche

“They say that you leave this world much alike the way you enter it, well lately that hasn’t been the case. The first reports of the dead rising were thought to be a sham, nothing but elaborate hoaxes. Yep trust the greater part of humanity to put faith in an invisible messiah and yet fail to see the heathen truth biting them in the goddamn face.

I remember the military blockades, the humanitarian aide and all the scientific nonsense on the television but I couldn’t help myself from wondering where on earth the remote had gotten to. Yes I found myself approaching the whole situation with a rather lax and apathetic outlook but that soon changed when school and more importantly finals were cancelled due to the risk of infection.

Some of the students reacted as you would expect, they threw a massive party. Fancy dress of course in honor of their undead heroes that got the exams cancelled. Biggest Fucking Mistake Ever!!!
Now while I didn’t necessarily condone or sanction the act of underage drinking, it has its place in the world of underage sex a world that I have every intention of entering.

Well as some of you bright sparks out there may have guessed, yes I am a virgin and somewhat of nerd. So put one and one together and you have my grounds for attending a party that most intelligent and sane people would boycott. The first scream destroyed numerous lived, turned many into the walking dead and completely threw off my mojo.”

Sweat ran down Jacob’s brow, he knew he shouldn’t be here not only did he risk a nasty case of walking undeath he risked some sort of bizarre homoerotic punishment from one of the many sexually confused jocks that littered the clearing.

Jacob couldn’t really understand why he was out here in the woods trying to score, especially with Karl that kid was the anti-poon, a pussy repulsor one might say. Acne, bacne you name he has it in spades that included beer and a car… Jacob just hoped the aforementioned attributes were enough to combat the effects that fugly had on the opposite sex.

The only reason he had come was to see if she had come, Sarah had said she would but it wouldn’t be the first time she had left him hanging. A drunken co-ed or gazelle as Karl had tastefully labeled them had successfully distracted his hormone-crazed friend long enough for him to slip off and find Sarah.

Retching into a straw hat, probably not her most gracious or attractive moment but her status as goddess of his masturbatory dreams was left unscathed. Jacob inched up behind her slowly; he had intended to surprise her. Well he succeeded in doing so but ended up drenched in vomit that consisted of odds and ends, pills and what looked like part of her own fingernail. Smiling awkwardly at her as his head swam, was this the feeling of elation? No, it was the prelude to an equally disgusting moment where Jacob’s dinner ended up painted across Sarah’s front.